i, creep on the subway.

when i was a kid, one of the joys of my parents taking me on the subway was that each car seemed to have a resident lunatic.*

he usually sat on one of the corner benches, tacitly sequestered away from the 'normal' straphangers. he was of indeterminate old age, with indeterminate stains on his short-sleeved button down and indeterminate plastic bags at his sides. if you got close enough, you discovered that he exuded a delightful melange of cigar stink and rum. shaped like humpty-dumpty, he balanced precariously on the concave bench. there might not have been a pile of peanut shells scattered around his big black orthopedic shoes, but there might as well have been. he muttered to himself, or to god.

or maybe it was his female analog, drawn up much the same, save for her all-too-lithe frame, tattered shawl, rum-only smell, and an indeterminate exercising of her lips, which seeemed to have an equal chance of being a silent soliloquy or some kind of palsy.

people pretended that they werent there, like africa or new orleans.

but i snuck more than enough peaks at them. they fascinated me, prolly not a little bit b.c they frightened me. even as a yute, i understood that these were irreplaceable fixtures of new york.

little did i know i would one day be one.

sure the cut of my jib is determinately respectable enough. but lately, i think i look like im having tete-a-tetes with my own spirits.

see, instead of listening to music on my pod while im on the train, ive taken to listening to stand-up comedy. (david cross and patton oswalt so far, and the latter's 'dukes of hazard' track nearly makes me piss myself every time.)

so im standing or sitting in a subway car, alone, headphones on, just doubling over with laughter, even reaching a fine cackle now and again. this can string on for multiple stops in a row, with nary a breath on my part. im just a lone dude on the subway, cracking up with reckless abandon. i mean, i kinda feel like a freak, but it's worth it.

i dont know that people have been looking at me askew, but id like to think so. i want to pull my own weight in this city. you know, give a little back, to that young bean who's getting initiated to the trains.

*the other primary joy was riding in the first car, standing at the very front, where i could look out the front window at the endless track being gobbled beneath the train, and pretend i was the conductor. give a kid that front-of-train, faux-conductor view, and you have him for life. i think i might actually get me some a that fun tonite.