crucible.

i never thought id say this, but i cant wait to turn 30 in a few months.

my twenties have been a trip.

i lived in spain. i was in manhattan on 9.11 and during the blackout. i fell in love, by my calculation, five times. and at least 5,000 other times just walking around the city. i got a cat. i lost two friends whom i considered a brother and a sister. i got much closer to my actual sister. i saw a baseball game in cuba; i went to the moscow zoo. i worked at four different companies. i indulged addictions to various vices, including, for a short time, shoplifting, and for a longer, much more boring time, poker. i came home many nights after the sun had risen, thunderstruck by the events of the previous night. i developed a belief in god. i met so so many people; some of them stuck around for a little while, some of them stuck. i saw bruce and bowie and radiohead and barry and oswalt and cross (well, the latter was speaking on a panel). i saw kobe play at msg; i saw bernie hit one out in the world series. i read a lot of good books, like in cold blood and east of eden and the sheltering sky. i mistakenly thought i had either an std or cancer at least a few times. i broke a couple of hearts; i prolly got mine broken a bit more. i drunkenly embarrassed myself on at least one occasion. i enjoyed doing so on at least several. i lied to people i loved. i treated my body well; i treated my body poorly. i shaved my arms. i blew up at defenseless people over politics. i took several writing classes. i ate out a lot. i met mike tyson and talked to bill gates and interviewed mike vick. i went on numerous medications, some of them prescribed. i became a brooklynite. i thought i found myself on at least 40 occasions; i was collecting pieces. i tried to do the right thing more times than i consciously did the wrong thing. but there are some wrong things that still stick with me. i lived in six different apartments. i seriously entertained at least a handful of careers. i saw people get married and was jealous, and i saw others get married and thanked god i wasnt them. i took the easy way out; i took it like a man.

there were countless days where i did stop and say to myself, 'i freaking love life.'

i took advantage of being young and good-looking in new york city. and it took advantage of me. it's all gonna be with me forever, and i wouldnt trade it for all the tea in china.

i could go on like that forever. but im glad im turning 30, to remind me i dont have to.