happy 27th birthday shimmy!

here's what i know about my sister:
1. shes much cooler than i am. by every traditional and liberal cool metric, she has me beat. really, i thought i had this wrapped up for most of our lives, but now it is clear i was just enjoying a head start. once our ages basically evened out, it was over.
2. shes beautiful. and not in a boring way. also, as long as we're on aesthetics, her eyes are big like planets.
3. her hatred of tuna fish has reached inexplicable heights. this one is really bizarre b.c i LOVE tuna fish, and chromosomally, she and i are practically carbon copies.
4. shes incessantly creative.
5. really, i cant stress enough how much she abhors tuna fish. if i bring a sandwich to her place, before i open the wrapping, she asks me if it's tuna fish in much the same manner id expect her to ask me if i was unwrapping a package of anthrax. only upon assurances of a non-tuna sandwich meat am i granted unwrapping and consuming rights. ok, i dramatized that - but only a bit.
6. shes very talented. like, if i were a woman, id buy her accessories and bags, no doubt. theyre pretty effing classy. as are her faces. 6 & 4 is a sweet combo btw. i dabble in it myself now and again.
7. shes blunter than...james blunt? i got nothin. suffice it to say, shes more one of yer tell you what you need to hear, as opposed to tell you what you want to hear, people. we all need those. like vegetables on a moscow menu, they are vastly outnumbered.
8. she is effing hilarious, man, i cant even tell you. she truly cracks my sh*t up. this might even be a similar situation to number 1. im not sure yet. mankind may never know, really. incidentally, even though we werent as close growing up, i do feel that we shared many a great laugh together during those years. to this day, our tag team really destroys the ma and pa operation our ma and pa have going. (the four of us are rarely in the same ring together, but the epic battle continues to be waged, nonetheless.) and THEY have great senses of humor. i mean, i hate to admit it, but they do.

ah, to laugh.

9. she used to do this really great thing in photos. shed always make a different, almost absurd expression, but it never looked obtuse or out of place. it was just like putting a little shimmy watermark on the pic. i really dug it. i think shes retired the practice.
10. shes like some kind of people magnet. heads just flock to her. i think they might be sucked in by some kind of gravitational field created by her celestial body-like eyeballs, but who knows.
the money ball. she is very extremely loved by me.